Reasons why Chicago is better than Toronto:

1. Its proximity to Gary Indiana
2. The lack of pigeons – there are 8 in total and they act as a family – a wealthy family with a butler to clean up their poop and make the streets immaculate.
3. The Inter-city rail line with a “No shirt – No problem” policy.
4. Its openness to immigrants from the Isle of Mypos.
5. The ease of Chicago bean counting.

Reasons why Toronto is better than Chicago:

1. Its proximity to the “Big Apple” in Colborne.
2. The abundance of Bengal tigers patrolling the streets in search of hooligans and scallywags.
3. Its single building used to trap tourists on a viewing deck – two is just too many.
4. The lack of Steven Q. Urkel.
5. Being next to one of the great lakes which doesn’t look the most like a penis.