Reasons why Toronto is better than Chicago:

1. Its proximity to the “Big Apple” in Colborne.
2. The abundance of Bengal tigers patrolling the streets in search of hooligans and scallywags.
3. Its single building used to trap tourists on a viewing deck – two is just too many.
4. The lack of Steven Q. Urkel.
5. Being next to one of the great lakes which doesn’t look the most like a penis.